Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I want her autograph on my taint
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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