I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
