3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Randomize
