just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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