i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Two words: blizzard sex
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
