Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
