Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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