i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
