Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
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