I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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