please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
