Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
