here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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