We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
high people should be assigned attendants
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
