Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
