Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
