how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
