We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
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