Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
