Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
