I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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