There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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