Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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