I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
