she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
