I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
