remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
