FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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