I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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