do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
