i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
