My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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