I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
