he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
