My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
