dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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