i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
