told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
