So drunk its hurt
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
