He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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