the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
