Sacagawea was the original milf.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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