No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
