I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
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