I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
