How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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