let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
