She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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