you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
