What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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