I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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