FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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