Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
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