and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
