6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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